This week has been an emotional roller coaster for me and my family! I was absolutely dreading this week but I thought the only way to get through it was to take each day as it went along. I spent Monday at work and then I had to go to uni to do a presentation. I only had 5 minutes to do it and I think the person who assessed us knew that I was really nervous, but I managed to do it (I went over the time limit though!)
Tuesday I worked again and I felt really emotional, that night the family went to my Nanan's house and we cooked all sorts of Jamaican food, it was so lovely!
Then Wednesday finally arrived which was the day of my Grandad's funeral. I won't go into too much detail but I cried so much that day. I went to sit beside my Nanan before we left and we both cried together, it just felt so unreal that he was gone. The service was perfect, the church was full of people who had even flown over to celebrate his life; I think he would of been proud. I had to stand outside for a moment as it was too much and started to feel panicky again :( but I went back in to see the end. Afterwards we went to bury him and it wasn't sad at all, we gathered round and sang church hymns to him while someone played the drum. We ended the night at the reception where we had a meal (more Jamaican food, yum!) and watched a slideshow with pictures of grandad, he really did live a fulfilling life and he was a huge inspiration to me. He always believed in me when I doubted myself and I'm so glad he was a part of my life. I will never forget him :'(
Today I had a full day at university and one of the lectures was on 'Anxiety Disorders'. It was really interesting to explore this topic & it kind of hit me, making me feel quite emotional about it all. I don't think some people in the room realised how difficult this disorder is, I don't like to label myself but it was nice to see a lecture on something which I was certainly interested in. It made me think about a lot things, but I won't bore you :) It reassured me why I wanted to study psychology and why I created this blog. I don't have many followers but if it helps people then that makes me happy!
To end this post I wanted to add a video from one of my favourite youtubers, Bubzbeauty. She's so sweet and she made a video about 'how to stop worrying and stressing' you should definitely check out her videos if you haven't already :)
I'm sorry if all of this didn't make much sense, I'm so tired! But thanks for reading xxx
I feel really bad because I haven't posted anything on here for over a month now. So many things have happened since my last post I celebrated my 20th birthday twice with friends but unfortunately was too ill to have a nice family meal with my parents (which sucks!). The day before my birthday was pretty intense as I had a breakdown in front of my friend at university where I just couldn't control the panic and I don't think she really understood.
Less than 2 weeks ago I had one of the best days with my friends as we went for a lovely meal at Wetherspoons (which is our regular place to eat) and we went to see the Muse movie at the cinema, it was AMAZING! I actually nearly cried because it just reminded me of when we saw them in the Summer and it was a day where I had no worries and I felt really happy! But with good things, bad things also takes place; as later that night my grandad sadly passed away :'( He battled his cancer for years and he was so strong but eventually it took him.
It's great to know that the support in my family is so strong and my friends are always there for me, but recently I just can't help but worry. Panic attacks are emerging all the time especially this week and I just feel like crying which I guess is normal. I don't know I just feel really down most days since I have a few deadlines coming up, I have to do my uni presentation next week, the funeral is getting closer and I'm even considering whether I actually like my course at university!
Anyway I'm trying my hardest to start again and get through this by using my reading week (which I'm on now) to be productive. I believe that all this stuff which I need to sort out is causing me to have these panic attacks again and making me feel miserable. I'm also thinking about the good things which I did recently such as seeing Vampire Weekend in Leeds last weekend. I've started drinking camomile tea again as well to help with relaxation. The fact that Christmas is coming up soon, makes me happy too as this means watching cheesy American Christmas films on Christmas24!
To end this on a good note I'll add some lovely pictures which makes me smile :)
Thanks for reading! xxx
