Happy New Year!!!

It's 2 days into the new year and so far so good! This is the first time in ages I have been excited for the new year. Before I would be dreading the new year and I would think 'oh great! Another year!' However this time things feel different. I think this was down to doing things in 2013 and achieving things which I thought I wouldn't actually do. I also met some amazing people last year who I'm so glad to have in my life this year and I've made so many plans already!  I don't usually come up with New Years resolutions because I don't stick to them but this year I plan to go to as many gigs as possible and a festival, so far I'm seeing Beyoncé, fall out boy, arctic monkeys and McBusted! And my friends are wanting to go to Download festival! I also want to travel a lot this year, I really want to go to China to do volunteering, Florida, Amsterdam, Disneyland Paris and Japan! I'm definitely not rich but you have to dream big, right? I'm currently looking for a house to move into this year with my friend, so that's going to be a huge change in my life but I'm really excited! 

I think helping others makes you feel like a better person, so I have booked an appointment to donate blood again this year on valentines day :D

This time last year I decided to make a memory box which was an idea I saw on twitter. This involved writing down all the good things which happened throughout the year and putting it in the jar so I could read them all at the end of the year! 

I finally got to read all the notes which I wrote this year. It was nice to read the little things I had accomplished this year and all the fun things I did! A few that stuck out was starting therapy, giving blood for the first time, spontaneous day & nights out, student lock-in and a eating a 3 course meal, completing the squat challenge, beating an anxiety attack at work, speaking japanese to a foreign exchange student at work, seeing muse, went to an ann-summers party, getting back into sushi, lots of trips to manchester, doing race for life in 28 minutes, youtubers replying to my comments! Passing my theory test, BBQ in the park, went to sealife in Birmingham, joining tea drinking society, Summer in the city 2013, London zoo, cooking a proper meal, going for a meal with my japanese class! And I saved lots of cinema & train tickets. 

Here are some favourite memories from 2013!

This year I plan to force myself to do more things outside my comfort zone, to be less scared and anxious of situations, travel more, work hard, have more me time and find time to relax and to just simply be happy!  

What are your New Years resolutions and plans? :) 

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Merr Chrussmuss!

Just wanted to say MERRY CHRISTMAS!  to everyone and I hope you all have a lovely day. I will write another post about the presents I received but I just wanted to say how thankful I was for all my family and friends! This is the first Christmas without my grandad and it just hasn't felt the same but we've still had a laugh! I'm also really thankful for all the friends who I have in my life right now, because they have certainly made my year a whole lot better! I've had a lovely past few days unwrapping presents with a friend in starbucks, speaking to another friend all the way in china today and opening a card from another friend which nearly made me cry (with happiness). I couldn't ask for a better group of people in my life, even the ones who I haven't mentioned here (yes you're part of this too!) Anyway I hope you're all enjoying today and get all the presents you want! 

Thanks for reading! xxx

P.S. Tell me what you're thankful for this year! 

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It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

It feels like I've been in a whirlwind this week but I really haven't done much at all. I thought I would write a quick post since I'm in a good mood and I'm feeling motivated! I've finally broken up from university for Christmas (woo!) I can't believe first semester is done already, I actually got through it!!! :) I've completed my assignments, I'm quite proud myself for getting them out the way so I can enjoy Christmas. Although I still have to buy a few more Christmas presents, work on Christmas eve and I have to study for January exams.

This week has been quite productive as I managed to buy Beyonce tickets *victory dance* for me and my mum next year!! I finished my uni essays and assignments, I did most of my Christmas shopping which I had been putting off for ages, doing my driving lesson and I started house viewing for next year.

But I have also done fun things as well to compensate for the stressful things such as going to the cinema to see Anchorman 2 (which was hilarious), eating out for lunch, baking Christmas cupcakes and going on nights out with friends. By doing all the nice things afterwards it kind of feels like a reward after the stressful events. I know some of these things may not be stressful to some people but there were for me.

Christmas Cupcakes!

I have been a bit stressed about house viewing recently as my friend which I'm living with next year is worried that all the good places will go, this also made me worry! So after viewing the first house we got a bit overly excited and we viewed this as our potential house without looking at others. After discussing it with my mum, she advised me to definitely look into other places first and a house checklist is absolutely essential. So my plan is to carry on viewing more places but I don't plan on handing over my money until I'm happy and comfortable with the right place.

Oh yeah! I also got an early Christmas present from my mum...a dressing table! So my room was looking really cluttered and me and mum searched high and low for a nice dressing table. Long story short after searching through a variety of blogs, I found the perfect one from IKEA! It's a Malm dressing table complete with glass surface and a smooth pull out drawer all for £95. I also bought some lights from Urban Outfitters which cost £20. I love it so much and it has made my life much easier.

Another thing I've been doing is looking into volunteering next year during my Summer holidays. I really want to go to Japan at some point next year, but unfortunately I couldn't really find any programs that were held there. So I'm looking into going to China which offers a variety of volunteering programs which look really good and it's a place I would like to visit one day. Let's hope all goes to plan and somehow I may find a way to go to Japan :)

Anyway I hope you all have a lovely Christmas and thanks for reading

xxx

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Baking and Clothes Show Live 2013 Haul!

Last Friday me and my friend Megan decided to have a night of baking and have a Christmassy sleepover at mine, although it turned out much differently than planned! We thought it would be a cool idea to make a Gingerbread house. Now I'd like to say the image down below was our creation...but nope! It went completely wrong and we were tired so we decided to make gingerbread people and other creatures. We mutually agreed that next time we would buy the kit instead. After cleaning up the mess we made in the kitchen, we decided to nom on all the chocolate and sweets we bought for decoration and watched Muse tour DVD's, which was nice!

My Ideal Image

The next day I went to the Clothes Show Live 2013 with my mum, which is held in the NEC in Birmingham! This is an annual fashion event which seemed like an apocalypse of girls :) This was my second time going to this event and I treated my Mum with tickets. We rode on the train in First Class which was awesome but we got off the wrong stop! Anyway our hotel was lovely (Hilton hotel!) and it was right next to the NEC!

While I was there I felt a bit overwhelmed as there was so many people there and I felt uncomfortable but I still managed to enjoy myself. We did A LOT of shopping and we went to the fashion show which presented 'A weekend in the Country'. I had a feeling my mum would love this theme and she certainly did. The whole performance was so exciting and it certainly had my mum dancing along haha!

I decided to do a haul of the things which I bought, this is my first haul so don't judge me :) 

I purchased some beautiful nail varnish from the Models Own stall, they had an offer of 3 nails vanishes for £10 (I mum chose one for herself) and a free goody bag. I nearly cried with happiness when I opened the goody bag, it included a glittery blue limited edition nail varnish, a lip balm stick, a brown eyeliner pencil, a black eyeliner pencil, a shimmery black eye pencil, a black khol eyeliner pencil with smudger and sharpener attached, 4 eyeshadow applicators, a nail file and buffer, a cute pocket mirror, and sheer sparkle lipstick.

 Next I decided to buy a teeth whitening kit from the Professional Teeth Whitening stall. I don't usually care abut this sort of stuff but I just wanted to experiment. This cost about £30, but around £60 online so I though why not? I haven't tried it yet but you're supposed to apply the gel over your teeth and then apply a strip over your teeth and leave it for 20-30 minutes. This is supposed to last for 3 years if you keep it in the fridge and the woman said she usually tops up her teeth every 6 months.

I bought a lot of products from the Bomb Cosmetics stall. They had beautiful candles which were 2 for £10 and 3 bath bombs for £5. If you spent over £20 you received a free candle but I spent £15 only. I loved this shop and I will definitely order more items from here, when I get the chance (and have the money). 

Last but not least I finally bought some clothes! I couldn't really see many clothes that I liked but I went to the Lily J London stall which kind of had a Japanese style with a lot of lace and pretty dresses, after a long time of deciding and bought a  long sleeve blue dress with a beautiful lace design (£32) and a creme lace dress which can be worn 2 ways (£28). I also gave in and bought a pearl necklace/choker (£12 I think). I went to another shop which I think was called Tenki and bought this beautiful blue Peter Pan collared lace dress for £25 and it was buy one get one free, so my mum got a stylish jumper for free :)

After a long day walking in uncomfortable shoes and carrying so may shopping bags we headed back the hotel, had a long sleep and had a lovely meal. 

The next day we went to the Bullring Shopping Centre which is HUGE! However we didn't stay too long and got the train back home. I had an amazing weekend and I really do miss it.

Thanks for reading 

xxx

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Getting through anxiety & Reflection!

This is the second post I've written this week, gosh I'm on a roll! :) It's a nice chill Sunday and I'm feeling really happy and in a good mood today! 
I was laying in bed having a moment of reflection after my friend sent me this on twitter which made me laugh!

I started to think how much I have actually changed over the few years although it feels like nothing has really happened. I was looking back and at first thought that I developed anxiety in my teenage years but after talking to my mum, I realised it was always something I had since I was child but it kind of got worse as I grew older. She told me I would actaully panic and hyperventilate when we were once locked in a porterloo (portable toilet) by some stupid people -_- which is why I would probably never go in one again. I was a quite a shy child and to be honest I still labelled myself as shy today but I think I have come out of my shell especially since last year when I started working and staring university. So for all of you who are thinking "I'm so quiet, people think I'm boring!" It gets better, you just develop in your own time and also the quiet ones are always the mysterious ones, so you are not boring, you are the interesting one who people actually want to get to know. 

I thought I would take this time to write a few things on how to get through those anxious times. Usually I have my up and down days or weeks, where I can feel less anxious than usual for a few weeks and then BAM! Something just makes me feel on edge for a few weeks until I manage to calm down again. Originally I wanted to call this post 'Beating Anxiety' but to be honest I haven't even completely figured that out myself so I thought I would give a few tips on how I manage to cope with anxiety and get though the obstacles that I come across.

• Anxiety Diary

Last year I kept a diary, where I wrote down how I felt from when I woke up in the morning to last thing at night. I would write in my worries and what I was excited for, things I succeeded in and things I was thankful for. My CBT therapist thought this was really good as it could help me distinguish any patterns and to get my thoughts out on to paper. I also used to write down the symptoms I had and what I was thinking during moments of anxiety and I would rate my mood. 
I recently read through it again after I filled all the pages and my anxiety had decreased a lot over the year. So it's nice to see if your doing well and if not then you have an idea on what you need to focus on. I am now using this diary, which is really cute!

• Yoga & Meditation

This relaxtaion technique was recommended to me by my therapist and I found yoga and meditation quite useful but since I haven't been doing it recently, I think this is what has caused me to feel stressed again. I did a lot of yoga during the Summer and I would go to classes with my mum on a Sunday. This is supposed to me good for people who are more prone to having panic attacks and reducing the built up stress in your system. Regular yoga practice can help by keeping you calm in daily life and making you less tense, strengthens your body posture and helps you with breathing techniques to relieve anxiety. I really did enjoy this and I'm going to start doing it at home again.

• Exercise 

This is another one where I feel guilty, because I haven't done exercise in a while, oops! I have a gym membership but I haven't been in months! I found exercising and going for runs did help my anxiety as I was able to use all the built up and excess energy I had in body. This is seriously good for those of you who feel agitated all the time. It would also put me in a good mood once I worked out and I would sleep a lot better at night. Unfortunately I started to get lazy and didn't go to the gym as much so I found Blogilates on Youtube! She's amazing and her workouts are really fun (but painful!)

• A nice warm bath

I always like to treat myself with a nice warm bath, when I mean warm I mean scorching hot! :) Especially now that it's winter, it's time for lots of bubble bath, products from lush and relaxation, this always cheers me up and I feel the need to have a fresh start once I get out the bath :D

• Massages

I usually try and get a massage done at least once a month, as this is a relaxation technique where I don't have to do anything and I can actually relax and just clear my mind. Massages are good for breaking down built up toxins or waste in the muscles and alleviates pain in those areas where you feel tense. Remember to drink water afterwards too!

• Shopping

So I'm not much of a huge shopaholic  but I do found that retail therapy can make me feel a little better when I'm stressed! It's amazing how a new outfit can sometimes make you feel better about yourself. Nail varnish is one of my addictions and I seem to always treat myself to new ones, I really need to stop. Even a new book or CD can put a smile on my face!

• Chamomile tea

I recently got back into drinking chamomile tea as it is supposed to have a calming effect. So it honestly doesn't have the best taste but adding half a teaspoon of sugar doesn't hurt! I usually have 1 cup a day but I'm going to try and drink more. Chamomile tea is supposed to be good for decreasing palpitations and panic attacks, relaxing the nerves and relieving muscle spasms. Supposedly it's also good for getting you to sleep.

• Talking 

Talking to my mum and friends helps me feel less stressed. Just having someone to listen to you can make you feel better, even if they don't have the answer to all your problems it's nice to just have a chat to someone and not bottle everything up making you even more stressed out and that really doesn't help anyone. 

• Weekly Plan Board 

I decided to put up a board in my room where I can write down my weekly plans and reminders. It's nice to see a clear version of what's going on during the week instead of a scramble of plans and deadlines in my head, which could probably cause me to have a breakdown haha :') (no, but really!)

Those were all my coping techniques and there's probably more but this list was really long, if you would like more just ask! Anyway I have a lot of things to look forward to this month such as going to the Clothes Show Live next week, breaking up for Christmas holidays, baking Christmas cookies and cakes. 

P.S. here's a page that I found which I found really interesting on the symptoms of anxiety and how you can attempt to deal with it: www.nomorepanic.co.uk/articles/symptoms/

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Emotional Week!

This week has been an emotional roller coaster for me and my family! I was absolutely dreading this week but I thought the only way to get through it was to take each day as it went along. I spent Monday at work and then I had to go to uni to do a presentation. I only had 5 minutes to do it and I think the person who assessed us knew that I was really nervous, but I managed to do it (I went over the time limit though!) 
Tuesday I worked again and I felt really emotional, that night the family went to my Nanan's house and we cooked all sorts of Jamaican food, it was so lovely!
Then Wednesday finally arrived which was the day of my Grandad's funeral. I won't go into too much detail but I cried so much that day. I went to sit beside my Nanan before we left and we both cried together, it just felt so unreal that he was gone. The service was perfect, the church was full of people who had even flown over to celebrate his life; I think he would of been proud. I had to stand outside for a moment as it was too much and started to feel panicky again :( but I went back in to see the end. Afterwards we went to bury him and it wasn't sad at all, we gathered round and sang church hymns to him while someone played the drum. We ended the night at the reception where we had a meal (more Jamaican food, yum!) and watched a slideshow with pictures of grandad, he really did live a fulfilling life and he was a huge inspiration to me. He always believed in me when I doubted myself and I'm so glad he was a part of my life. I will never forget him :'(

Today I had a full day at university and one of the lectures was on 'Anxiety Disorders'. It was really interesting to explore this topic & it kind of hit me, making me feel quite emotional about it all. I don't think some people in the room realised how difficult this disorder is, I don't like to label myself but it was nice to see a lecture on something which I was certainly interested in. It made me think about a lot things, but I won't bore you :) It reassured me why I wanted to study psychology and why I created this blog. I don't have many followers but if it helps people then that makes me happy!
To end this post I wanted to add a video from one of my favourite youtubers, Bubzbeauty. She's so sweet and she made a video about 'how to stop worrying and stressing' you should definitely check out her videos if you haven't already :)
I'm sorry if all of this didn't make much sense, I'm so tired! But thanks for reading xxx

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I just can't cope :(

I feel really bad because I haven't posted anything on here for over a month now. So many things have happened since my last post I celebrated my 20th birthday twice with friends but unfortunately was too ill to have a nice family meal with my parents (which sucks!). The day before my birthday was pretty intense as I had a breakdown in front of my friend at university where I just couldn't control the panic and I don't think she really understood.
Less than 2 weeks ago I had one of the best days with my friends as we went for a lovely meal at Wetherspoons (which is our regular place to eat) and we went to see the Muse movie at the cinema, it was AMAZING! I actually nearly cried because it just reminded me of when we saw them in the Summer and it was a day where I had no worries and I felt really happy! But with good things, bad things also takes place; as later that night my grandad sadly passed away :'( He battled his cancer for years and he was so strong but eventually it took him. 
It's great to know that the support in my family is so strong and my friends are always there for me, but recently I just can't help but worry. Panic attacks are emerging all the time especially this week and I just feel like crying which I guess is normal. I don't know I just feel really down most days since I have a few deadlines coming up, I have to do my uni presentation next week, the funeral is getting closer and I'm even considering whether I actually like my course at university! 

Anyway I'm trying my hardest to start again and get through this by using my reading week (which I'm on now) to be productive. I believe that all this stuff which I need to sort out is causing me to have these panic attacks again and making me feel miserable. I'm also thinking about the good things which I did recently such as seeing Vampire Weekend in Leeds last weekend. I've started drinking camomile tea again as well to help with relaxation. The fact that Christmas is coming up soon, makes me happy too as this means watching cheesy American Christmas films on Christmas24!
To end this on a good note I'll add some lovely pictures which makes me smile :)
Thanks for reading! xxx

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