Emotional Week!

This week has been an emotional roller coaster for me and my family! I was absolutely dreading this week but I thought the only way to get through it was to take each day as it went along. I spent Monday at work and then I had to go to uni to do a presentation. I only had 5 minutes to do it and I think the person who assessed us knew that I was really nervous, but I managed to do it (I went over the time limit though!) 
Tuesday I worked again and I felt really emotional, that night the family went to my Nanan's house and we cooked all sorts of Jamaican food, it was so lovely!
Then Wednesday finally arrived which was the day of my Grandad's funeral. I won't go into too much detail but I cried so much that day. I went to sit beside my Nanan before we left and we both cried together, it just felt so unreal that he was gone. The service was perfect, the church was full of people who had even flown over to celebrate his life; I think he would of been proud. I had to stand outside for a moment as it was too much and started to feel panicky again :( but I went back in to see the end. Afterwards we went to bury him and it wasn't sad at all, we gathered round and sang church hymns to him while someone played the drum. We ended the night at the reception where we had a meal (more Jamaican food, yum!) and watched a slideshow with pictures of grandad, he really did live a fulfilling life and he was a huge inspiration to me. He always believed in me when I doubted myself and I'm so glad he was a part of my life. I will never forget him :'(

Today I had a full day at university and one of the lectures was on 'Anxiety Disorders'. It was really interesting to explore this topic & it kind of hit me, making me feel quite emotional about it all. I don't think some people in the room realised how difficult this disorder is, I don't like to label myself but it was nice to see a lecture on something which I was certainly interested in. It made me think about a lot things, but I won't bore you :) It reassured me why I wanted to study psychology and why I created this blog. I don't have many followers but if it helps people then that makes me happy!
To end this post I wanted to add a video from one of my favourite youtubers, Bubzbeauty. She's so sweet and she made a video about 'how to stop worrying and stressing' you should definitely check out her videos if you haven't already :)
I'm sorry if all of this didn't make much sense, I'm so tired! But thanks for reading xxx

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I just can't cope :(

I feel really bad because I haven't posted anything on here for over a month now. So many things have happened since my last post I celebrated my 20th birthday twice with friends but unfortunately was too ill to have a nice family meal with my parents (which sucks!). The day before my birthday was pretty intense as I had a breakdown in front of my friend at university where I just couldn't control the panic and I don't think she really understood.
Less than 2 weeks ago I had one of the best days with my friends as we went for a lovely meal at Wetherspoons (which is our regular place to eat) and we went to see the Muse movie at the cinema, it was AMAZING! I actually nearly cried because it just reminded me of when we saw them in the Summer and it was a day where I had no worries and I felt really happy! But with good things, bad things also takes place; as later that night my grandad sadly passed away :'( He battled his cancer for years and he was so strong but eventually it took him. 
It's great to know that the support in my family is so strong and my friends are always there for me, but recently I just can't help but worry. Panic attacks are emerging all the time especially this week and I just feel like crying which I guess is normal. I don't know I just feel really down most days since I have a few deadlines coming up, I have to do my uni presentation next week, the funeral is getting closer and I'm even considering whether I actually like my course at university! 

Anyway I'm trying my hardest to start again and get through this by using my reading week (which I'm on now) to be productive. I believe that all this stuff which I need to sort out is causing me to have these panic attacks again and making me feel miserable. I'm also thinking about the good things which I did recently such as seeing Vampire Weekend in Leeds last weekend. I've started drinking camomile tea again as well to help with relaxation. The fact that Christmas is coming up soon, makes me happy too as this means watching cheesy American Christmas films on Christmas24!
To end this on a good note I'll add some lovely pictures which makes me smile :)
Thanks for reading! xxx

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Tea Drinking, Cocktails & Food!

As it is now Autumn/Winter time (which I dislike very much) this means snuggling up in wooly jumpers, thick scarves and eating copious amount of food! Which is certainly what I've done this week!
So this week I joined the tea drinking society! Yes I know this sounds really peculiar but to be honest it was the only society I definitely wanted to join. Also my best friend, Megan recently became president of this society (she was a member last year) and she persuaded me to join. On the night that it started I felt really awkward shuffling in whilst they were in the middle of a quiz about tea (I had work before!) But I joined a team and made myself some tea and it was really fun! I was slightly nervous about going and I was even considering backing out but I knew I had to get out of my comfort zone and beat those negative thoughts going around in my head. Everyone was really lovely and I actually met a lot of new people :) I also brought along some chocolate cake and soon realised that cake brings everyone together :D I can't wait to go back next week, which will be on my birthday!
Pub Grub! 
Wednesday was a pretty short day as I only had one lecture and another introduction presentation. Even though we were in uni for about 3 hours, it still tired us out haha! We went to a pub for some lunch, which was sooo delicious! This may be a regular Wednesday thing now.

Vodka Rev & Summer in the city
Last night I had a great start to weekend with Megan as we went to go battle for tickets for Summer in the City 2014! We managed to get some earlybird tickets before they sold out with Megan's amazing ticket buying skills! :D Afterwards we went to celebrate by going to Vodka Revolution and using our student cards which we purchased for £2 at the student lock-in. We definitely had a feast, I was so full from our margherita pizza (only £1) and felt a bit tipsy after having 2 for 1 cocktails!

We had a such a fun time and we plan on going back very soon as we're only half way through our coupon book! 
Anyway that was my week so far and I plan to update more regularly as I have lots of things coming up. 
Thanks for reading ^.^ xx

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Facing my fears...kind of

Me & Lynette

This week I officially started university! I have been soooooooo stressed about this and it has been really hard to talk about this to anyone as most people find it difficult to understand. I've kind of kept myself to myself and bottled up all my worries (which is wrong, I know) 
I've explained how worried I am to some people like my closest friends and my parents but I don't think they really understand how terrible this actually makes me feel.
I usually get the same response such as 'it's normal to be nervous' & 'you'll be fine' or as my mum said 'are we going to get the same performance as last time'
I mean the morning before my lectures I kept waking up early and having heart palpitations and an upset stomach worrying about the day! I keep getting these dizzy spells too :S

I am seriously so thankful to have my friend Lynette who I met during the enrollment week, as it turns out we have the same classes together and she doesn't live to far from me :) she's crazy just like me and I can actually be myself around her! It's weird because it feels like I've know her for ages when it has been a week and a few days :D She was actually shocked when I told her I'm a shy person. I mean I am so thankful to have my friends who have helped me actually get out the house this year but it's nice to have someone who is similar to you in a new situation!  it's always nice to have someone pull faces next to you when you feel stressed in a crowded lecture theatre :D 

Another thing is I've kind of faced my fear of actually being in a crowded room! I really hate being in crowded areas as I usually feel a bit paranoid and constantly worry I'll have a panic attack and people noticing. When I'm sat at the back this usually puts my anxiety at ease, so I've been keeping to the back recently. But I would do anything to just overcome this. I've been really tired & emotional recently after returning to education and starting the week with 3 hours worth of lectures and 2 hours of IT sessions in one day. But I'm trying to distract myself by blogging, keeping myself busy and music!

Thanks for reading! :) xx

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Busy! Busy! Busy!

Sorry I haven't been able to update too regularly but I've just been so busy with uni stuff and other things. 
Freebie Fair
I went to a Freebie Fair on Tuesday for new and returning students with one of my friends and the queue for the entrance was huge :O Anyway we manged to get in fairly quickly and grab free food such as slices of pizza, cookies and sweets! There was also the huge amount of wristbands and pencils they were giving away. Me and my friend also got a picture taken together at the photo booth area. We were also given leaflets which contained student discounts on them (yaaay!) and posters to hang up on our wall! My favourite things which we received was definitely the Manfrotto tripod connector and case, which was kind of cool but I have to purchase the tripod and the LED lighting to actually make use of this product which I may look into. My other favourite freebie was the bag of stuff which costcutter were giving away. Costcutter is both a supermarket and convenience store and people were queuing for this awesome freebie (which I call the bag of happiness!) This catered for every student's needs as it contained treats such as mini oreos, alpen cereals sachets, chocolate, red bull, mikado, cookies, pringles, a pot of rice and they even cared about dental health by supplying us with a toothbrush and toothpaste haha! (not all junk food)

Headphone Disco!
That same Tuesday night I went to a headphone disco at a nightclub, I was tired after the busy day I had but I was kind of looking forward to this as it was certainly a new experience. The nightclub gave you headphones for a £5 deposit and you could switch between 2 different channels which was being broadcasted by 2 different djs! As soon as I walked in I found it hilarious that people were singing to no music, just in a silent room with huge headphones on! But when I put the earphones on it felt like I was actually in a nightclub listening to the same music as everyone else. The headphone music selection was a choice of indie, rock, motown & 60s music and the other channel played pop, RnB and dance music. This was certainly a lot of fun and exceeded my expectations. 

Activities Fair
Thursday was the day I officially enrolled as a student and I got my student card, but I manged to produce the most derptastic photo for my card! So yes I have to keep that until 2016! Great -_- Afterwards I went to the activities fair which involved getting more sweets and signing up to societies. Now my friend she probably signed up to every society going haha! As my plan is to get out of my comfort zone and to try new things I thought this would be a great opportunity. I didn't sign up to too many as some didn't really interest me, however I signed up to the tea drinking society, the hobby society, raise and give and I plan on joining the attractions and entertainment society, volunteering and the circus society :D

Student Lock-in
Thursday night I went to a student lock-in a Meadowhall! I was looking forward to this event all week! Discounts, food and FREEBIES! We started by indulging ourselves in three course meal at Frankie and Bennys. It was so nice but I was so full and I got bored of sitting down for a while. Afterwards we went all around Meadowhall to shop! I bought some lovely jumpers & nail varnish from Topshop, a new make up bag from Claires and some marker pens from Blott! We didn't get much time to shop but we still had a laugh!

I also went back to taking driving lessons on Friday, I hadn't driven in probably almost a year and it felt like I was a beginner again but my instructor has hope in me! I also went to Leeds on Saturday so I may do a shopping haul on that. I got up to a lot of things this week and this post is getting too long so I'll stop here!
Thanks for reading and your lovely comments ^_^ xx

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Uni Induction!

Yesterday was my first day at university and I was so stressed out, probably beyond the normal level of nervousness, it wasn't nice at all :( It was so lovely to wake up to some lovely comments on here which really mean a lot to me, so thank you!
I tried to taking my mind off my induction by going to the Freebie Fair before which was really good, I mean who doesn't like receiving lots of free stuff! They gave away free slices of pizza which my friend had to basically force me to eat it because I was that nervous.
Afterwards I went to my university campus for the induction. I got a bit lost looking for the building I was in but managed to find some lovely people who were just as lost as me haha! So I ended up sitting with them in the induction. Now being in that small hall was like my worst nightmare, I was sat a few rows from the back which was alright, but just sitting in a place surrounded by lots of people did make me really anxious because I believe that I will have a panic attack when I least expect it. So I just forced myself to cope with it and sit throughout the whole thing (which I can usually do when I feel like I'm in a stressful situation). It actually wasn't too bad, it must have taken between an hour to an hour and a half! (I was so relieved to finally get out)
We were then taken on a tour around the campus which lasted about half an hour, it was so overwhelming because the place was so big! My friends who are already at uni told me it was normal to be confused and not remember which place was where though.
After the tour had finished we were allowed to leave, but something good came out of my day because I made a friend who is staying in accommodation not too far from me! We exchanged numbers and have made plans already :)
Now that I look back I found it so silly that I was stressing out over 2 hours of my day. This is why I hate anxiety and want to overcome it, so I can actually feel normal for once. Before I left the house my Mum told me 'you have overcome so much this year, and you can do it again now. Just think of it as an adventure an obstacle that you need to overcome.' Which made me think I can do this!

Oh! I was just browsing the interwebs and I found this blog which has a post on starting university with mental illnesses. It seems pretty helpful and informative, I did the majority of things on here before my first day began.
If you're interest then just click here

                                                                Thanks for reading! :) xx 

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