A Birthday Refelection

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Once again I've neglected my blog for God knows how long! (I'm sorry blog)
Last Wednesday was my 21st birthday, it feels weird just writing that because I still don't feel any older and I've been told that I look about 12 years old instead.
I had a lovely time celebrating with a family meal at the Pointing Dog on Eccy road (pretty fancy!) and then on my actual Birthday I went to the cinema to see Annabelle and went to Cosmo, horror films and all you can eat food goes hand in hand for me! That weekend I celebrated other people's birthday, so this weekend I will be celebrating my birthday in Manchester with friends. 

For this post I wanted to reflect on my life in the past year as my friend made me do in the taxi back home last Wednesday.

What I've realised about myself:
I'm still really hard on myself...but I can't help being a perfectionist. I'm usually like this when it comes to university, driving lessons and life in general. When I have a moment of anxiety and have panic attacks I tend to be to hard on myself and work myself into a low mood comparing myself to everyone else. But another thing I've noticed is that I don't give up so easily, even though I'm not keen on my uni course I'm still trying my hardest and view it as a platform and a learning curb. 

One new thing I tried last year?
I started to go on bike rides again in the Summer which I really enjoyed, it helped me clear my mind and I was also getting exercise. I'll definitely keep it up! 

What new things do I want to try within this year?
I'm planning to take up guitar lessons again, take up yoga, volunteering, view life in a more positive way and to take up another language to learn. 

What has been my greatest achievement in the last year?
Sticking through university and getting into my second year which I couldn't even envision. Also for sticking through my part-time job whilst studying, I've never stayed in the same workplace for more than 3 months and I've gone and done it. Must be a year and a half now :)

What do I hope to achieve in the next year?
Next year I hope to see a happier, more focused and healthier version of myself. I want to try and enjoy my life more and not to put myself down as much. I hope to see the world as much as much as possible whether it be abroad or just locally, your twenties is the best time to just do it all. 

What do I need to work on?
I think I need to start being more selfish and do more for myself. My whole life I've been worrying about what other people think about me and I even took a course at uni because I thought my family wouldn't be proud of me for picking a course which wasn't as 'academic or wouldn't get me far in the future'. I should be doing what I love because it is my life! I always believe that good results will come to those who work hard so I am determined work hard and change my life for the better. 

What was the best thing about last year?
Meeting new people and forming new friendships definitely comes to mind. Another is when I went to Florida in the summer and spending time with my friend, it was nice to feel a sense of freedom.

When was I at my lowest point?
I've had a few low points this year and they all stem from studying uni course which I no longer have a passion for and the future. It scares me so much that I won't do as well as people expected in near the future. It made me sad to see that people were enjoying their lives at uni or know what they wanted to do and I just felt constantly lost. 

One piece of advice I would give to my future self?
My advice is not to worry too much and if I am really determined to work hard everything will be alright.

A proper birthday post will be up soon about my adventures this weekend!

x x x

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